You read previously about the invasion of my peace and privacy by the 'black suited brigade'. My husband, after reading this story, said I acted more polite to them than most. At the time, I didn't think about how I was treating them - they were just invading my space and I didn't like it. He said he would have been more rude to them, but I guess I wanted to make them suffer in the hot sun while they carried on with their constant liturgy- I thought that was a good punishment for disturbing my private space. Even though it was obvious - they just wouldn't leave. After I felt as though I made them cook enough in the hot sun, I bid farewell- so - yes- did I handle them politely- perhaps not. But they were dealing with me now!
A few years later, I was a very happy and contented Mother of a 2 1/2 year old and a small baby. It was mid afternoon and I had just settled my young daughter in her 'feeding chair', a small wooden rocker, (which by the way still exists in my study), and she got ready to 'feed' her baby - a much loved doll. I was also settling down to quietly breastfeed my baby girl, so that we could all try to get some nap time that afternoon. Suddenly there was a loud knock at our wooden kitchen door.
I hadn't even heard a vehicle drive up the long gravel driveway of our farming property, so I was a bit worried and yet perturbed at this interference at the same time. I told Bron to stay where she was, and holding Lauren in my arms and covering myself up, I quickly went down to the kitchen door to see who was standing on the other side of the glass door window. But- guess who!! It was 'the black suited brigade' standing at my door. Was I irritated? You betcha!
I opened the door, saying "Look..I'm not interested and as you can see--I'm very busy and preoccupied here!"
But they wouldn't take no for an answer! So, as you can imagine, I was really beginning to boil inside---I always have hated anyone's invasion into my privacy--but these guys just would not give up! By now Lauren was hungrily crying, and Bron, frightened, had started to wander down the hallway, to see what was going on.
Yelling out above Lauren's incessant crying, I quickly called out to Bronwyn: ' Darling. It's OK. Mummy has to deal with this --just go into your bedroom, and play with your toys, and I'll come get you soon. OK?"
"OK, Mummy", she replied as she headed towards her room.
I was feeling desperate with a crying and screaming baby by now, I felt I was forced to invite this 'black suited brigade' into my house as I couldn't just keep standing at the door with Lauren crying in my arms.
As soon as they got inside inside they started: "We are here to let you know that the world is coming to an end, and we just want to know if you are prepared?" Now I was angry.
"What are you playing at?" I said somewhat loudly to them. "I cannot believe that with all that I am trying to contend with here, that you now say something like that! Are you insane?"
"Ma'am, we just are trying to help you to get ready and make sure that you are prepared for what may lay ahead"
"Ready? Ready?" It suddenly hit me what I had to do. Holding Lauren in my arms I went over to the kitchen counter, and opening a drawer took out a large butcher knife. I knew they were watching me, as they had stopped talking.
"OK. If I have to get ready as you say, then we should probably start with this one. If the world is really coming to an end, I don't want any unnecessary suffering to happen to my children, so we might as well end her life now, as quickly as possible".
With that I pulled out the large butcher knife and then continued:"Which part do you want to do? Hold her while I slit her throat as one would do to a lamb, or do you two want me to hold her and you do the killing?"
I held out the knife, and waited for an answer.
They were shocked. Which is what I wanted them to be.
"Look. We're sorry. Perhaps we came on too strong, or you have taken the wrong reaction, but it is OK. None of us have to do this! This world isn't coming to an end right now.."
I was so angry it was all I could do not to shout at them--but calmly, I looked at them and simply stated: " You are idiots! How many homes and people have you done this same routine to? How many people may have reacted for real just like I did? You are so lucky that I knew what I was doing, and was hoping to teach you a lesson. Now get out of my house and never come near me again, or anyone else. You are useless, and not a good representative of anyone. You are dangerous, and need to be stopped. Now leave. I despise what you are doing!"
They quickly ran out the door, and I watched them as they jumped in their car, which their god must have paid a lot of money to own, and left.
I gently held Lauren, and shaking just a bit, went back into the house, and putting that stupid butcher knife away safely in its drawer, I started up the hallway to find Bronwyn, and settle us all once again for a quiet afternoon.
(It is worth noting that I was a drama teacher!)